2ww's suck!

So here I am contemplating taking an HPT just to torture myself. Apparently some women "test out" their trigger shots. My doc originally said no HPT's until day 14 because the trigger shot could cause a false positive. Well some women test starting day 7 until either their pregnancy is confirmed or Aunt Flo shows up. Most women will go negative indicating that the trigger is out of their system and then positive again indicating they are pregnant. From what I'd heard it's not uncommon to get positives up until 10 days past trigger. So at 8 days past trigger I took an HPT and it was negative. At first I was devastated because I thought it hadn't worked because it was already out of my system. Then I did some more research and some people say that it is out of your system in as early as 7 days and others say the half-life approach is an indicator and in that case it would have been 99% out of my system on Tuesday and most say anything over 93.75% is considered completely out. So that made me feel better that I still have a chance. Now for determining the # of days past (IUI, trigger, O, etc.). I'm so anxious to get to my testing that I'm trying to figure out the earliest I can test. For example, my trigger shot was on Tuesday the 29th at 9:15pm so I'm not counting that as a day and therefore as of tonight at 9:15 I am 9dptrigger (days past trigger). On the other hand, my IUI was at 8:30am last Thursday the 31st. Originally I didn't count Thursday as a day and said I wouldn't test until Thursday the 14th. Then I got to thinking that my IUI was so early that I could count that as a day and therefore I will be 14dpIUI on Wednesday the 13th in turn getting to test a day earlier. I know I'm stretching it but I'm just so nervous. With having had 2 miscarriages that were so early I want to find out as soon as possible so that any precautions necessary may be taken to prevent miscarriage. I was sitting here thinking the other day that getting pregnant is only a small piece of the journey. Then I'm going to be worrying everyday about miscarriage at least for the first 3 months. I really wish I could concentrate on my school work because I have a lot to do and that sure would keep my mind off the 2ww but I can't think about something more than 5 minutes before I'm distracted. I'm really praying this is it because I honestly think I will have to go on a TTC hiatus if it doesn't.

Where o' where have I been????

Busy...that's where! Wow when I say that it's an understatement. School and work keeps me insanely busy and there for a while I was even take a couple of exercise classes and a financial class 3 nights a week. I unfortunately gave up on the classes at night because I simply needed time to get stuff done and I was missing out on a lot of quality time with Derick. So what's been happening since last time: October-had my surgery and everything came back fine. Turned 26. November-Verena came to visit which was awesome! I miss her so much. We hope to meet up in Ireland next year. We will see. Started a new cycle on clomid. December-Didn't respond to the clomid and a small cyst developed so the next cycle would be cancelled. Christmas was great as usual. I finished up my first semester of school and did great! I was very proud of myself. January-Derick turned 27. School started back. I'm not full time because I've taken all my prereq classes for nursing. FIL finally moved out of the house. I took my nursing entrance test and did very well! Started a new cycle on a higher dose of clomid. February-School and work. Was not responding to the clomid so cycle was cancelled again. Derick lost his job but was able to find a new one quickly, thank goodness. March-This was a busy month! I took my last few tests I need for my nursing application. I got that turned in and was accepted just last week! I will start next fall. We went on vacation with Aaron and Sarah to Florida. It was great to finally have a real vacation in almost 2 years. I started a new cycle of clomid at a higher dose. This was the last cycle of clomid before moving on to injectible drugs. I RESPONDED!!!!! When I went in for that ultrasound last week I was so nervous and the relief when he said we had some follies growing was just shock and great joy! There were 6 follies but one was small so really there were 5 good follies which means there's a chance for up to 5 babies but that isn't very likely. The doctor asked if I wanted to cancel the cycle and maybe try a lower dose next time but I wasn't responding to the lower doses so that didn't make much sense. And next step was more expensive drugs that were even more risky so no matter what I was most likely always going to have high numbers of follies so I decided to go through with it. I had to give myself an injection that night to stimulate ovulation. Then on Thursday we had our first IUI. It wasn't too bad. A little uncomfortable but no more than a routine exam really. I did have major cramping that afternoon and night and a little less the next few days. I'm hoping this was the actual ovulation taking place. Now just to patiently wait for 2 weeks to see if the cycle took. So here it is a few days past the IUI and I'm seriously going crazy waiting for the next 2 weeks to go by. Even if I do get pregnant I'm terrified of miscarrying again. I'm terrified I won't be pregnant and will let everyone around me down (especially Derick). I hate the idea of letting him down. We've finally had some things going right and I just want this to be it. If I am pregnant I will be due around Christmas which will be great because I will be on break from school. So here's hoping I make it until April 14th a sane person and with a BFP! Ok I guess that's a pretty good update. I better get back to work. I know I won't be able to post daily but hopefully I can come by for more often. Until next time....