Shame Shame is my name

I don't know what happened to me these past few weeks! I guess I just got super busy and couldn't keep up! School and two jobs keep me tied up all the time. I do love it all though. I have a lot coming up too. Surgery is next week...finally! Feels like it will never get here. A friend of Derick's passed away on Friday. He was only 40. It's so tragic to see such bad things happen to young people. My friend, Verena, from Germany will be here in just over a month. I'm trying frantically to get the extra room ready for her but finding time to do that is so hard with all that's going on. I think I'm going to have to start sleeping a little less at night to get everything done. Surprisingly I feel good though when I don't sleep a whole lot. Well I have a lot to get done today so I will try my best to check in tomorrow!

Add another to the list

of pregnant women I know. :`( (That's a crying symbol in case you can't tell). Here I sit day 37 of aunt flo and someone has to say they are pregnant. Can I please not get anymore announcements? I'm seriously on the verge of a mental breakdown. All my plans are going down the drain. I was hoping to be pregnant by now so that I'd have a summer baby and could start nursing classes in the fall. As of now I pretty much will have one chance remaining to have that summer baby and it's a very slim chance. I'm just trying not to go crazy. Right now about the only thing keeping me sane is my schoolwork, my wonderful husband and furbabies, and the fact that a good friend is coming for a long visit in November.

Fatigue

Being fatigued is no fun. I had so much planned for my long weekend and only did what absolutely had to be done and that wasn't much. I'm not sure if this is a sign of anemia or not but I need to start taking my iron pills to make sure I don't develop any problems. I've been getting a little dizzy from time to time. I only notice it when I go to stand or sit up. Mental note to self: Take iron pill and prenatal vitamin before bed tonight. I'm officially on day 36 of aunt flo. She has gotten a lot heavier compared to the daily spotting so I'm hoping she is going to finally make her grand finale exit in the next few days. If she is still here on Friday I have to call the doc and see if there's anyway to stop it. I am beyond tired of her.

I'm glad I got ahead on my schoolwork because I did none last week. I've got to get ahead again so I don't fall behind. Second mental note to self: Get some rest tonight and catch up on AP/ITE tomorrow night.

I really wish I wasn't working both jobs but I love the extra money to get bills caught up. I just wish they would let me waitress more. I don't mind the salad bar some nights but it's just getting old to me now. I have to work the bar tonight and I'm absolutely dreading it. I also like the immediate cash from waitressing. I'm certainly not raking in the dough but the extra $75-$120 a week is nice. It'd be more if I could get more hours doing it! I'd whine to management about it but my brother does the scheduling and I don't want to whine to him because I'm going to be needing days off coming up for school and my surgery so I want to stay on his good side for that.

Time for a new look

I've needed a haircut for some time now. Problem is I can't find a hairstylist. I had one a few years ago and loved him but when money got tight I gave up that luxury. I'd love to go back to him but it takes 2 months to get an appointment and I don't want to go back and then have to stop unexpectedly. So I need ideas on a new "do" and can never decide. I love the idea of my hair being longer. I wish it would grow overnight. If I had the money I would probably get extensions put in! I just want something fun and creative. I'm tired of going to the mall and just getting some kid out of school to cut my hair. They are not creative and only know the popular style. I need a good salon but then that jacks the price up. Guess I can't have it both ways. I am looking at the website of the salon that did my wedding day hair and am loving it! I wish I could do so many things like a massage, pedicure, manicure, haircute, the whole nine yards. I think I need to ask for this for my birthday since it's coming up so soon! Ok so I just booked an appointment for Tuesday after class...I'm so anxious now!

So some life updates are that aunt flo is still here. I believe this is day 30. I am starting to lose track since it's been so long. I need to start taking my iron tablets so that I don't become anemic. I haven't been feeling dizzy or lightheaded except one or two times. Better not risk it. I wish October 5th would hurry up and get here. I just want to get the surgery over with and get some answers. You would think that I'd be patient after all this waiting the past 3 years but I think my patience is getting worse.

What else could happen

I think I need to change the name of this blog to "All the things that could go wrong" because that's the how I feel right now. I never intended this blog to be a down in the dumps daily posting of what's wrong in my life and how I hate it. I honestly thought I'd be posting happy news and good things going on. It's just been one thing after another. I'm not a Debbie-Downer but honestly I don't know how I can feel any other way. I feel like life is spinning out of control. I can't handle this. I'm used to being on top of everything and now it's like I can't keep up. I don't like not being in control. Things should be good again. Derick has a good job and I have 2 jobs. We are making money again but it still seems like we are struggling. I feel like there is a tight grip around my heart and throat and I'm gasping for air just trying to hang on. Please give me a little light at the end of the tunnel for hope!

Untitled

Can't think of a catchy title for this post because it's going to be all over the place.

First, my father-in-law has been diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer. I went to the doctor with him on Wednesday to go over what's going to be happening. He is going to have a very long journey ahead of him and it's going to be difficult on everyone. Derick and I just hope that he has the strength to get through this and start leading a healthier more stable life.

Second, school is awesome! I am so glad to be back. I just hope I can keep up. I'm glad I'm taking some of the general classes now because it's going to take a lot of work in anatomy and psychology so I can really focus on them while not worrying about other nursing classes. That is if I ever get into the nursing program. I've been spending every night working on assignments trying to get a good start and stay on track. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't getting many hours at the restaurant but it's been good to get me jumpstarted on school. I really wish I could go back a few years and not be working and have all the responsibilities of life and just concentrate on school.

Third, work has just been terrible. I really am at a crossroads on what to do. I'm holding so much pressure inside and just feel like I am going to explode. My heart and head are telling me two very different things. My head says I should call a meeting and suggest that the company lay off myself and another high paid employee at least. Maybe those measures are not enough. The thought of this just makes me physically ill. Another part of me says that I should just leave the company and try to survive on the restaurant job. I'm not sure how well that would work. Actually I know it would be devastating to Derick and I. But if the company closes we will be in that situation whether we want it or not. Then my heart says hang in there and that things will be ok. If we can just make it a few more months we can somehow make it. I don't know if that's just the optimistic part of me fighting to be heard or I am just not ready to face reality. I know that people say they wouldn't change anything in their past but I would. I love my family but I would never work in their business if I knew then what I know now. It's too much heartache for anyone to go through. These are the times when I just want to pack up and move. Start all over somewhere that no one knows me. I wish someone could just give me the answer. Everyone has looked at me to be the one with answers and I am out of them. I want the answers. I need a rock to lean on. Can't I just be the weak one for once? Someone tell me it will be ok. I know there are people are there in worse situations than me I just wonder how they deal with things. I am at a point of breaking. I honestly have no clue what is holding me together anymore.

Finally, aunt flo is still here. No clue when she will be gone. I have some medicine left over from last time that helped stopped it. I think I will take them. I need this to be over. I just need everything to be over.

Too many emotions

Yesterday I hit a wall of emotions. At first I was disappointed about the surgery. Not that I have to have it but that I have to wait so long. Then I was ok. I was not jumping with joy but things were ok. Then I was giddy about starting classes. When I got to my second job things were really slow and I had too much time to think. Things are not going well at my regular job. That's why I got the second job in the first place. I see things slowing down so much I don't know how the company will survive. It breaks my heart. Not to lose my job. I will survive. But my parents are older and their lives are invested in this business. I worry about their health and well being if something happens. I pray that things will change but this economy has a death grip on us and we can barely breathe. It takes it's toll on me as well since I handle the money. I know I can only do so much and am praying for the miracle to come. I just hope it's not too late. All these thoughts just had me in a dark place last night. I hate that feeling. My stomach was in knots and I just wanted to cry. Luckily though I was at work and couldn't let my emotions get the best of me so I held them in and they slowly drifted away.

I am feeling better today but work still has me anxious. If I could just find a secret money tree life would be great! Until then I just have to keep plugging along one day at a time.

An update on the surgery. It's currently scheduled for October 5th. Hopefully some time will open up in September but that's highly doubtful unless there is a cancellation or something. Maybe being super busy with work and school will help me get through the next few weeks.

The good and the bad

Lets start with bad. I went to the doctor this morning for an ultrasound and it wasn't good news. Apparently I am not ovulating regularly so my body doesn't know when to have a period and that's why I'm having all the spotting. Doctor wants me to have a D & C (dialation & curretage). He basically goes in and scraps out tissue and anything they find that may be wrong such as polyps or fibroids. It won't fix my problem but will hopefully determine what is causing this to happen so it can be treated correctly. I will have to be put to sleep and it won't be for a few weeks which really sucks. We were wanting to go to DC the end of September for some Braves games and just looks like this is going to ruin those plans. All our little vacations are getting postponed. And now it means putting the IUI back further. I want to have a baby before fall semester next year but if it doesn't work out that way than we will just have to deal. I also found out my BFF is having her 3rd unplanned baby. It was a little upsetting but I love her and support her completely.

Good news...today is the first day of school. I don't have any classes on campus today but I'm just so excited to be getting started. I'm definitly going to do better about managing my time and concentrating more this time around. My first official class is tomorrow at 3. I will have classes Tuesday and Thursdays from 3-4:20. I am trying to get into the online version so I don't have to go to campus at all but that's not too likely. All my loans just went through on Friday so I couldn't get up there to get my books so I will do all that tomorrow before or after class. I am working on getting all my outlines and first assignments printed out now so I can get them all organized. It will be a challenge working the 2 jobs, going to school, and trying to have a baby but I am ready for the challenge.

Dazed and Confused

This is actually a post from yesterday. I got sidetracked and saved it but never actually posted it.

I've never felt like I do now. My mind is going in a million different directions and I just can't keep up with everything. I think that may be what is ultimately taking such a hard toll on my body. Here I am 2 weeks of spotting and can't tell what the heck is going on with my period. I've never been in this position and I feel stupid. I've called my doctor but he is out of town until Monday. Hopefully the nurse calls back and can at least ease my mind. I don't understand why when everything is finally lined up to start IUI it all seems to go so wrong. Is this a sign that I shouldn't be trying to get pregnant? Or is something worse going on that I haven't discovered? All I know is I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. I had a mini breakdown this morning and just sobbed for a good 30 minutes. It felt good to cry but the pain is still there. I wish I could escape the world for a few days. I know it's not possible but a girl can dream. Dreams are all I seem to have now. Hopelessly waiting for them to come true and being disappointed time and time again. I guess that's part of life.

Can't catch a break

The weekend was great...today, not so much. I worked on the rental property Saturday morning and got it finished for the most part. Then I did absolutely nothing the rest of the afternoon. We decided to go to North Carolina to see a race. It was fun. We've been wanting to go for a while but never found the time to actually do it. Sunday I ended up working a double at the restaurant. It was good though because I made some good money. I love waiting tables. Even when the money isn't the best it's so much better than doing the bar. I trained a new person on the bar last Thursday and am training her again tonight and tomorrow. Hopefully after that I will be able to wait tables more.

Today I found out my mom has to have a second mammogram because they want to look at some things again because there's been changes since she had one 5 years ago. They thought things were fine I guess but then they saw the one from 5 years ago and were a little concerned so they are doing it again. I'm nervous because my aunt had breast cancer and my mema had cancer as well. It just runs in the family and is so scary. My FIL is having a lump removed from the back of his throat today and it will be tested for cancer as well. It's kinda weird because both of them have appointments at 2:15.

Someone also hit my car at some point this weekend. My dad asked this morning what I hit and I said nothing. Sure enough I look at my car and the grill is cracked and my bumper is messed up again. It was already cracked from when I messed it up a few years ago but it was fixed for the most part and now it's messed up again. Good thing is that the deductible is low since it was an uninsured motorist claim.

And now for updates on the infertility. I thought for sure that aunt flo was coming. TMI WARNING: I woke up Saturday morning and there was a decent amount of "fluid" but then as the day went on it was the usual spotting again. Sunday was the same. Then this morning there was nothing. I stalk the bathroom constantly checking. I'm wondering if aunt flo did come and she just wasn't her normal heavy self. I know things can factor into that type of stuff. I've been drinking more water which is said to lighten it up. I run around like crazy at the restaurant and increased exercise is also said to lighten it up. I'm just wondering if that is what's happened. I've never had any major changes in the past though when I've had lifestyle changes. This is just so darn confusing and I'm frustrated to no end. I wish I could have a mental vacation. Please just take my brain and go away for a few days. There is too much stuff running around up there and it's making me go crazy thinking about everything.

Work till you drop

that's how I feel this week. So much to do and so little time. I am still working on the rental property and I have some office work that needs to get done as well. I need to manage my time better. I'm sure that would help. The fact that I am on here posting isn't helping my situation!

There are no real updates for aunt flo. I am beginning to wonder if this cycle is just going to be messed up like the last. It's day 10 of spotting now. I know it's lasted 10 or 11 days at the most in the past so hopefully I am nearing the end. If it's not regulated by next week than I guess I will have to call the doctor anyway and see what's going on. I don't want another 5 week period. So I better get back to work.

Too busy

to post. I seriously have been running around like crazy. It seems like deadlines are all at once. The week hasn't been too bad. It's had some ups and downs. I've been working on a rental property that we rent to college students. It's ridiculous the amounts of stuff that was left behind. Good thing is that I scored some good stuff out of it. I got a mattress set for my guestroom, some stuff I can sell on ebay, a mini fridge for Derick to put in his "man cave", and my FIL got a lot of furniture for when he gets his own place. There's still a lot more to clean out which I will be doing tomorrow. It's just so hot and I've been trying to avoid turning the utilities on because it's only for 2 days before the new tenants move in. I can handle the heat but my FIL is helping and it's a little harder on him.

Good news today is that I may qualify for some financial aid after all. Can't remember if I mentioned I was going back to school or not. I didnt' qualify for anything originally but I filled out some more paperwork and she said that my file was in the needed to be awarded stack so sounds like I'm getting something. First day of school is the 23rd. Most of my classes are online expect one on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. I'm so excited! I'm going to try to get in the nursing program. I have to take a semester of classes though to boost my GPA since I haven't been in school for 4 years. The classes are electives and should be pretty easy.

No updates on aunt flo.

I've been bad

at not posting that is! My weekends are so busy just relaxing that I hardly even pick up a computer anymore. I'm on it all week and then I work the second job so I'm not home in the evenings much so I don't want to spend my free time on the computer.

I've also been bad at my eating. I feel like a bloated fat cow right now. My FIL (father in law) has been staying with us and he's been taking us out to eat just about every night and I don't think my waistline can handle another meal out. My goal this week is to get back on track starting today because we ate out again last night. I do work tonight though and already have a meal planned for Derick and my FIL so that will help tremendously. Meal planning makes life so much easier.

No real update on aunt flo yet. I continued to spot all weekend. I woke up this morning and there seemed to be a heavier flow but I am waiting till later in the day to see if it continues before calling the doctor. I'd hate to call and schedule an ultrasound to just have to cancel it again.

One thing I did do this weekend was look back at my old cycles and that confirmed that what's going on is normal even though it's not normal for most people. After an anovulatory cycle I had a really long period followed by a really long cycle before my cycles returned to normal. I am wondering if this is an annual thing and I just didn't realize since I wasn't charting my cycles before.

Well that is all for today. I'm still going to try and get some pictures up at some point when life slows down a little!

Set backs and frustration

I was so eager to go to my ultrasound today. Derick and I decided we were going to do the IUI this month even if it meant going to Charlottesville. Unfortunately while at work last night aunt flo decided to stop. This morning there was spotting again but nothing heavy enough to consider the start of my actual period so I had to cancel my appointment. The nurse just told me to call first thing Monday morning if it starts over the weekend. This is the similar spotting to what I used to have. I hope it doesn't last the 7-10 days like in the past. I am just so frustrated and disappointed. I felt like an idiot calling and canceling. I guess my body is just still adjusting to the crazy cyle back in June. Trying to stay positive though if it does get pushed back a few days maybe my doctor will be in town for when I would need the IUI procedure and I wouldn't have to go to Charlottesville.

This heat and me being overly exhausted has me practically falling asleep here at the computer. I'm looking forward to a weekend of sleeping in and hopefully getting a few much needed things done around the house. Hopefully I will have better news soon. I don't want this blog to be all negative things! Maybe tomorrow I will find something positive focus on. I also want to add some pictures so I will try to do that this weekend as well.

Exhaustion and more

I am extrememly exhausted. Maybe because it's so hot in here or just going to bed late. I work both jobs today so I still have a long day ahead. I decided to blog now and hopefully it will help me stay awake.

Today has been an eventful day. I took a pregnancy test. Before you get too excited it wasn't because I thought I was pregnant I knew I wasn't. So why test? Peace of mind. I was on cycle day 35 and for me that's late. TMI WARNING:: There was some red/brown blood when wiping but that can be normal for pregnancy. I however knew I couldn't be pregnant due to timing of intercourse and ovulation unless by some miracle I ovulated really early or later than normal. So to keep my mind from going crazy I decided to go ahead and test that way I could confirm that aunt flo was in fact coming and it'd be time to start the IUI process soon. So I called the RE today and left a message for the nurse. I'm hoping she will call back before I go to the next job. If I remember correctly I will most likely have an ultrasound tomorrow or Monday. So the time has come to start the journey I've been waiting months for. I'm feeling so exhausted right now though that I can't really feel any excitement because I just want to go to bed. So I will more than likely post again when the doctor/nurse calls back as an update. I've been doing good about updating every day this week but I don't want to say I will continue to do it everyday (even though I want to) but I will definitly keep track of the eventful parts of this process. I want to remember the good and bad. Also, if anyone else stumbles across this blog in the future they can get an idea of what it's going to be like.

UPDATE: Nurse just called and it wasn't the best of news. My doctor won't be in town when I would be due to have the acutal IUI procedure so I have 2 options. 1) Do the clomid only this month (as I have in the past) or 2) Do the IUI but I will have to go to Charlottesville (2hrs away) at least twice for my midcycle ultrasound and the IUI procedure. They unfortunately charge more (about $50) which isn't bad but then you have to add in the travel costs and missing work. Decisions, decisions. I guess Derick and I have an important decision to make tonight. I go tomorrow at 11:30 for an ultrasound and to give them my decision.

And it's still pouring

Sometimes the hard times just keep coming more than we like. Rough times at work and some rough times personally. Some of it I can't control and some of it I can control or at least control somewhat. I always told myself I'd never get jealous or upset when I heard someone else is pregnant. But it's hard. Somedays I am okay with it. Others it just rips my heart into pieces. For example when I found out my sister in law was pregnant it hurt a lot. For one thing it was right after my second miscarriage and I would have had the first grandchild on Derick's side. I know that's trivial but there's always something special about the first grandchild. She ended up miscarrying too and I felt terrible for her because I knew the pain she felt. But then when someone like my friend Stacy, who also struggled to get pregnant, announced her pregnancy I was elated for her. Just Monday I found out an aquaintance was pregnant and I was upset a little but mainly because she got pregnant their first month of trying and it wasn't even until recently she decided she even wanted kids. Then today another friend announced she was pregnant, with her third child three years! That one really hurt. Here I am trying for almost 3 years myself and can't even have one child and none of her pregnancies were really planned. I know I shouldn't feel sadness when someone announces they are pregnant but it's hard not to be upset. I just wonder why not me? What did I do to deserve something as terrible as infertility? Am I being selfish for wanting a child when times are not the best in the economy and having a child is very expensive? Why can't I be normal and something in my left go right for once?

On a positive note it seems like aunt flo is about to arrive so I am at least getting closer to what I hope to be a miracle.

I may...

...be a woman, be blonde, have big boobs, but that doesn't make me stupid! I grew up with 4 brothers, a dad who is a contractor, worked in the construction world for 10 years and lived in it for 25. I was a bit of a tomboy and love sports. I can change a tire, check my oil, and think for myself. So when you are talking to me look at my face not my chest. And if you want to look at my chest don't make it so blatantly obvious! And when you want to try and charge me $200 for brakes that weren't needed I bet you thought I would just fall for it. Seems like you are the one that looked like the fool mr. sleezy auto mechanic! Just a bit of a vent after an overall craptastic day yesterday!

I am seriously bummed though because it looks like our trip to Atlanta is going to be cancelled ::insert crying sobs here:: Maybe a miracle will occur between now and next Tuesday when we need to decide but I'm not getting my hopes up. If the only thing I've learned through this whole TTC process it's to never get your hopes up. I've done that a few too many times and honestly my heart can't take many more letdowns considering the next few months may be filled with many.

When it rains it pours

Weekends are normally my peace of mind but this past weekend was not peaceful by any means. Saturday was my first day off of both jobs and was looking forward to enjoying the day. Well the weather was terrible. Then we needed to replace brakes on my car for inspection. We were getting ready to take my car down to the garage and my power steering goes out. I had heard a thump but I thought it was a boat battery in the back that fell over. We were able to get my car out of the way in the road and Derick noticed a kitten under the car. There are about 5 or 6 stray kittens that hang around and I guess the wet damp weather had it cold so it had gotten under the car keeping warm. The thump I heard was the kitten getting caught in the belt. I ran back to the house and got a towel. We scooped up the kitten and rushed her to the vet. We had 2 options, euthanization or take responsibility for the kitten and any bills to care for it. Already we know either option is going to cost several hundreds of dollars. We are torn and I am balling my eyes out. We let the doctor look at it and she said there was nothing that could be done so we made the painful decision to put the kitten down. Just as we were getting ready to pay $190 the girl ran back up and told us no charge it had just passed on it's own. Now everytime I get in my car I'm afraid there's a cat in it. Thankfully it just knocked the belt off my car and we were able to get it back on and my power steering was fixed.

Then comes Sunday. I was supposed to work 3-9 but a girl wanted to switch so I went in from 11-3 which was perfectly fine because that would give the the afternoon and evening to spend with Derick. Well work was really busy and I knew that was going to happen. Thank goodness I didn't mess any orders up but people were really stingy. My average tip was $2. I think my checkout slip said based on my sales my tips were 7% which is just pitiful. People run you to death and then don't want to pay you anything.

Now comes today. Morning starts out ok. We just had some tenants move out of the house in Radford so Dad and I go to inspect and see what needs to be done first. You cannot even get through most of the house because the new tenants moved their stuff in before their lease began. I told them that was ok but there stuff had to be put in the basement or shed. Well they put it everywhere but those places. Why can people never listen? Thank goodness most of the repairs are just some basic cosmetic things like painting and replacing some broken windows. We just have to get the stuff out of the way so we can move and work in there. Well then I take my car to get inspected. They call a few hours later saying I need back brakes! They want to charge me $200 to do what Derick could do so I told them to reject it and I would take care of it myself. So I pick up my car and he was nice enough to put a new inspection sticker on and send me on my way. I guess having a good relationship with them does get you somewhere sometimes.

So between work and life in general it's raining like crazy...hmm it has been raining all weekend for the first time in forever. Maybe that's a sign of some sort. Enough boohooing for today. Just hoping my Monday blues are getting out of the way today.

1st Official Post...Anticipation

I am already slacking on not posting very often. I have been working a lot though so I will use that as my excuse.

We are slowly approaching the start of our IUI treatments. I'm terrified and excited. I start singing the song Anticpation in my head all the time. Warning a little TMI is coming up. My cycle this time around isn't quite the same as in the past. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. Normally I always started "spotting" 7-11 days before the start of my next cycle, which was a bad thing. This time there is no "spotting" and AF is scheduled to be here anytime in the next few days. So hopefully she will just show up on schedule and we can move on. We, or most likely just me, will go to the doctor within the first 2 days of my cycle for an ultrasound. I will then be prescribed the clomid like before and take that days 3-7 or 4-8 of my cycle. I will go for another ultrasound around day 11 to see if any eggs are looking like good candidates for becoming a baby. Once it looks like I have at least one good egg I will be given a shot to trigger the release of that egg. Within the next 24 or 48 hours we will do the IUI part of the treatment. That consists of Derick giving a "sample" and that being cleaned, washed, and inserted within the hour of collecting it. After that we wait and see what happens. Gross I know, but it's the easiest and least expensive way at this point. So now I'm sure you understand the terrifying part of this journey.

Introduction/Background

Well I'm new to blogging so hang in there as I try to keep up. At this point it's really just a place for my thoughts. I may share this later and I may not but in case I do here is a little intro and background information.

My husband, Derick, and I have been married for 3 years after being together for 5 years. We were high school sweethearts and I wouldn't change a thing. We've had hard times but who hasn't? We started trying to conceive after 6 months of marriage. It was something we kept private until we found out we were pregnant almost a year later. Shortly after discovering we were pregnant we miscarried. It was devastating but we continued to try. At a doctor's visit it was suggested I get tested for PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) based on some symptoms I was having. It never occured to me I could have fertility issues. I immediatly scheduled an appointment and had many tests done. The test results were never conclusive. I had some symptoms but not enough to confirm. So we started some fertility medicine called Clomid. After a few months we got another positive pregnancy test on the 1 year anniversary of our first miscarriage. We were overjoyed. I felt like it was some sort of sign that things were going to work this time. Then again we miscarried. I knew it was happening and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I found myself asking why this was happening. I almost felt numb. My friends were having babies and I knew many people with babies who weren't trying. It was crushing to me on the inside but on the outside I held up a tough exterior. After that miscarriage I went through several rounds of testing to try and determine causes and nothing was showing up. So we started the Clomid treatments again for a few more months and had no success. At a dermatologist appointment it was again brought to my attention that I may have fertility issues based on symptoms I had that were common with women who had PCOS. At this point I was frustrated and felt like my current doctor wasn't giving me the attention I needed. So we decided to seek out a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). Our first meeting with him was wonderful. Having a plan made me feel at ease. We did a few more in depth tests and nothing definite could be determined so I was diagnosed with the dreaded unexplained infertility. As of now we are waiting to start Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) treatments. We would have started several months ago but we dealt with some high stress times and then my body went a little haywire on me. Things seem to be going back to normal and hopefully we will be starting the IUI process shortly. It's expensive and health insurance offers no coverage but I've taken up a second job to help pay for the costs. I think that's a good enough introduction for now.