2ww's suck!

So here I am contemplating taking an HPT just to torture myself. Apparently some women "test out" their trigger shots. My doc originally said no HPT's until day 14 because the trigger shot could cause a false positive. Well some women test starting day 7 until either their pregnancy is confirmed or Aunt Flo shows up. Most women will go negative indicating that the trigger is out of their system and then positive again indicating they are pregnant. From what I'd heard it's not uncommon to get positives up until 10 days past trigger. So at 8 days past trigger I took an HPT and it was negative. At first I was devastated because I thought it hadn't worked because it was already out of my system. Then I did some more research and some people say that it is out of your system in as early as 7 days and others say the half-life approach is an indicator and in that case it would have been 99% out of my system on Tuesday and most say anything over 93.75% is considered completely out. So that made me feel better that I still have a chance. Now for determining the # of days past (IUI, trigger, O, etc.). I'm so anxious to get to my testing that I'm trying to figure out the earliest I can test. For example, my trigger shot was on Tuesday the 29th at 9:15pm so I'm not counting that as a day and therefore as of tonight at 9:15 I am 9dptrigger (days past trigger). On the other hand, my IUI was at 8:30am last Thursday the 31st. Originally I didn't count Thursday as a day and said I wouldn't test until Thursday the 14th. Then I got to thinking that my IUI was so early that I could count that as a day and therefore I will be 14dpIUI on Wednesday the 13th in turn getting to test a day earlier. I know I'm stretching it but I'm just so nervous. With having had 2 miscarriages that were so early I want to find out as soon as possible so that any precautions necessary may be taken to prevent miscarriage. I was sitting here thinking the other day that getting pregnant is only a small piece of the journey. Then I'm going to be worrying everyday about miscarriage at least for the first 3 months. I really wish I could concentrate on my school work because I have a lot to do and that sure would keep my mind off the 2ww but I can't think about something more than 5 minutes before I'm distracted. I'm really praying this is it because I honestly think I will have to go on a TTC hiatus if it doesn't.

Where o' where have I been????

Busy...that's where! Wow when I say that it's an understatement. School and work keeps me insanely busy and there for a while I was even take a couple of exercise classes and a financial class 3 nights a week. I unfortunately gave up on the classes at night because I simply needed time to get stuff done and I was missing out on a lot of quality time with Derick. So what's been happening since last time: October-had my surgery and everything came back fine. Turned 26. November-Verena came to visit which was awesome! I miss her so much. We hope to meet up in Ireland next year. We will see. Started a new cycle on clomid. December-Didn't respond to the clomid and a small cyst developed so the next cycle would be cancelled. Christmas was great as usual. I finished up my first semester of school and did great! I was very proud of myself. January-Derick turned 27. School started back. I'm not full time because I've taken all my prereq classes for nursing. FIL finally moved out of the house. I took my nursing entrance test and did very well! Started a new cycle on a higher dose of clomid. February-School and work. Was not responding to the clomid so cycle was cancelled again. Derick lost his job but was able to find a new one quickly, thank goodness. March-This was a busy month! I took my last few tests I need for my nursing application. I got that turned in and was accepted just last week! I will start next fall. We went on vacation with Aaron and Sarah to Florida. It was great to finally have a real vacation in almost 2 years. I started a new cycle of clomid at a higher dose. This was the last cycle of clomid before moving on to injectible drugs. I RESPONDED!!!!! When I went in for that ultrasound last week I was so nervous and the relief when he said we had some follies growing was just shock and great joy! There were 6 follies but one was small so really there were 5 good follies which means there's a chance for up to 5 babies but that isn't very likely. The doctor asked if I wanted to cancel the cycle and maybe try a lower dose next time but I wasn't responding to the lower doses so that didn't make much sense. And next step was more expensive drugs that were even more risky so no matter what I was most likely always going to have high numbers of follies so I decided to go through with it. I had to give myself an injection that night to stimulate ovulation. Then on Thursday we had our first IUI. It wasn't too bad. A little uncomfortable but no more than a routine exam really. I did have major cramping that afternoon and night and a little less the next few days. I'm hoping this was the actual ovulation taking place. Now just to patiently wait for 2 weeks to see if the cycle took. So here it is a few days past the IUI and I'm seriously going crazy waiting for the next 2 weeks to go by. Even if I do get pregnant I'm terrified of miscarrying again. I'm terrified I won't be pregnant and will let everyone around me down (especially Derick). I hate the idea of letting him down. We've finally had some things going right and I just want this to be it. If I am pregnant I will be due around Christmas which will be great because I will be on break from school. So here's hoping I make it until April 14th a sane person and with a BFP! Ok I guess that's a pretty good update. I better get back to work. I know I won't be able to post daily but hopefully I can come by for more often. Until next time....

Shame Shame is my name

I don't know what happened to me these past few weeks! I guess I just got super busy and couldn't keep up! School and two jobs keep me tied up all the time. I do love it all though. I have a lot coming up too. Surgery is next week...finally! Feels like it will never get here. A friend of Derick's passed away on Friday. He was only 40. It's so tragic to see such bad things happen to young people. My friend, Verena, from Germany will be here in just over a month. I'm trying frantically to get the extra room ready for her but finding time to do that is so hard with all that's going on. I think I'm going to have to start sleeping a little less at night to get everything done. Surprisingly I feel good though when I don't sleep a whole lot. Well I have a lot to get done today so I will try my best to check in tomorrow!

Add another to the list

of pregnant women I know. :`( (That's a crying symbol in case you can't tell). Here I sit day 37 of aunt flo and someone has to say they are pregnant. Can I please not get anymore announcements? I'm seriously on the verge of a mental breakdown. All my plans are going down the drain. I was hoping to be pregnant by now so that I'd have a summer baby and could start nursing classes in the fall. As of now I pretty much will have one chance remaining to have that summer baby and it's a very slim chance. I'm just trying not to go crazy. Right now about the only thing keeping me sane is my schoolwork, my wonderful husband and furbabies, and the fact that a good friend is coming for a long visit in November.

Fatigue

Being fatigued is no fun. I had so much planned for my long weekend and only did what absolutely had to be done and that wasn't much. I'm not sure if this is a sign of anemia or not but I need to start taking my iron pills to make sure I don't develop any problems. I've been getting a little dizzy from time to time. I only notice it when I go to stand or sit up. Mental note to self: Take iron pill and prenatal vitamin before bed tonight. I'm officially on day 36 of aunt flo. She has gotten a lot heavier compared to the daily spotting so I'm hoping she is going to finally make her grand finale exit in the next few days. If she is still here on Friday I have to call the doc and see if there's anyway to stop it. I am beyond tired of her.

I'm glad I got ahead on my schoolwork because I did none last week. I've got to get ahead again so I don't fall behind. Second mental note to self: Get some rest tonight and catch up on AP/ITE tomorrow night.

I really wish I wasn't working both jobs but I love the extra money to get bills caught up. I just wish they would let me waitress more. I don't mind the salad bar some nights but it's just getting old to me now. I have to work the bar tonight and I'm absolutely dreading it. I also like the immediate cash from waitressing. I'm certainly not raking in the dough but the extra $75-$120 a week is nice. It'd be more if I could get more hours doing it! I'd whine to management about it but my brother does the scheduling and I don't want to whine to him because I'm going to be needing days off coming up for school and my surgery so I want to stay on his good side for that.

Time for a new look

I've needed a haircut for some time now. Problem is I can't find a hairstylist. I had one a few years ago and loved him but when money got tight I gave up that luxury. I'd love to go back to him but it takes 2 months to get an appointment and I don't want to go back and then have to stop unexpectedly. So I need ideas on a new "do" and can never decide. I love the idea of my hair being longer. I wish it would grow overnight. If I had the money I would probably get extensions put in! I just want something fun and creative. I'm tired of going to the mall and just getting some kid out of school to cut my hair. They are not creative and only know the popular style. I need a good salon but then that jacks the price up. Guess I can't have it both ways. I am looking at the website of the salon that did my wedding day hair and am loving it! I wish I could do so many things like a massage, pedicure, manicure, haircute, the whole nine yards. I think I need to ask for this for my birthday since it's coming up so soon! Ok so I just booked an appointment for Tuesday after class...I'm so anxious now!

So some life updates are that aunt flo is still here. I believe this is day 30. I am starting to lose track since it's been so long. I need to start taking my iron tablets so that I don't become anemic. I haven't been feeling dizzy or lightheaded except one or two times. Better not risk it. I wish October 5th would hurry up and get here. I just want to get the surgery over with and get some answers. You would think that I'd be patient after all this waiting the past 3 years but I think my patience is getting worse.

What else could happen

I think I need to change the name of this blog to "All the things that could go wrong" because that's the how I feel right now. I never intended this blog to be a down in the dumps daily posting of what's wrong in my life and how I hate it. I honestly thought I'd be posting happy news and good things going on. It's just been one thing after another. I'm not a Debbie-Downer but honestly I don't know how I can feel any other way. I feel like life is spinning out of control. I can't handle this. I'm used to being on top of everything and now it's like I can't keep up. I don't like not being in control. Things should be good again. Derick has a good job and I have 2 jobs. We are making money again but it still seems like we are struggling. I feel like there is a tight grip around my heart and throat and I'm gasping for air just trying to hang on. Please give me a little light at the end of the tunnel for hope!