Sometimes the hard times just keep coming more than we like. Rough times at work and some rough times personally. Some of it I can't control and some of it I can control or at least control somewhat. I always told myself I'd never get jealous or upset when I heard someone else is pregnant. But it's hard. Somedays I am okay with it. Others it just rips my heart into pieces. For example when I found out my sister in law was pregnant it hurt a lot. For one thing it was right after my second miscarriage and I would have had the first grandchild on Derick's side. I know that's trivial but there's always something special about the first grandchild. She ended up miscarrying too and I felt terrible for her because I knew the pain she felt. But then when someone like my friend Stacy, who also struggled to get pregnant, announced her pregnancy I was elated for her. Just Monday I found out an aquaintance was pregnant and I was upset a little but mainly because she got pregnant their first month of trying and it wasn't even until recently she decided she even wanted kids. Then today another friend announced she was pregnant, with her third child three years! That one really hurt. Here I am trying for almost 3 years myself and can't even have one child and none of her pregnancies were really planned. I know I shouldn't feel sadness when someone announces they are pregnant but it's hard not to be upset. I just wonder why not me? What did I do to deserve something as terrible as infertility? Am I being selfish for wanting a child when times are not the best in the economy and having a child is very expensive? Why can't I be normal and something in my left go right for once?
On a positive note it seems like aunt flo is about to arrive so I am at least getting closer to what I hope to be a miracle.
No comments:
Post a Comment