Untitled

Can't think of a catchy title for this post because it's going to be all over the place.

First, my father-in-law has been diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer. I went to the doctor with him on Wednesday to go over what's going to be happening. He is going to have a very long journey ahead of him and it's going to be difficult on everyone. Derick and I just hope that he has the strength to get through this and start leading a healthier more stable life.

Second, school is awesome! I am so glad to be back. I just hope I can keep up. I'm glad I'm taking some of the general classes now because it's going to take a lot of work in anatomy and psychology so I can really focus on them while not worrying about other nursing classes. That is if I ever get into the nursing program. I've been spending every night working on assignments trying to get a good start and stay on track. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't getting many hours at the restaurant but it's been good to get me jumpstarted on school. I really wish I could go back a few years and not be working and have all the responsibilities of life and just concentrate on school.

Third, work has just been terrible. I really am at a crossroads on what to do. I'm holding so much pressure inside and just feel like I am going to explode. My heart and head are telling me two very different things. My head says I should call a meeting and suggest that the company lay off myself and another high paid employee at least. Maybe those measures are not enough. The thought of this just makes me physically ill. Another part of me says that I should just leave the company and try to survive on the restaurant job. I'm not sure how well that would work. Actually I know it would be devastating to Derick and I. But if the company closes we will be in that situation whether we want it or not. Then my heart says hang in there and that things will be ok. If we can just make it a few more months we can somehow make it. I don't know if that's just the optimistic part of me fighting to be heard or I am just not ready to face reality. I know that people say they wouldn't change anything in their past but I would. I love my family but I would never work in their business if I knew then what I know now. It's too much heartache for anyone to go through. These are the times when I just want to pack up and move. Start all over somewhere that no one knows me. I wish someone could just give me the answer. Everyone has looked at me to be the one with answers and I am out of them. I want the answers. I need a rock to lean on. Can't I just be the weak one for once? Someone tell me it will be ok. I know there are people are there in worse situations than me I just wonder how they deal with things. I am at a point of breaking. I honestly have no clue what is holding me together anymore.

Finally, aunt flo is still here. No clue when she will be gone. I have some medicine left over from last time that helped stopped it. I think I will take them. I need this to be over. I just need everything to be over.